September 2001

Wise men talk because they have something to say;

fools, because they have to say something. 

(After contemplating this, I wonder which I am....)

I am almost alone... Cindy is here... she refused to go to church with Christy,... today is "Pot Luck" so Mike and "B" were hopping from foot to foot. Cindy seems to have a problem with mornings, we have been writing this phenomenon off to her medication but it had become such an inconvenience that Christy mentioned it to Dr. D. ... he has changed her medicine. When we told him about her strange behaviors We will wean her off Imiprimine and put her on Lithium... (No, not just because she won't wake up) Now Lithium is some scary stuff http://www.mentalhealth.com/drug/p30-l02.html .

Cindy and I went to Don Cuco's for lunch... Christy got home with most of the kids at 1630... Calie and DaMoke went to Bonnie's place... 

The car overheated again... I opened the hood and poked around like I had some idea what I was looking for... and accidentally found something... a pinhole sized hole in the heater (?) hose... I let it cool down and checked the fluid... there was no coolant in the reservoir and it was a quart down in the radiator... I cut of about an inch of hose and reconnected it so the hole is under the clamp... seems to have fixed the problem...

Sunday                   September 2, 2000  

.Just got bit by this program again... didn't save this page and everything I typed today (Monday morning) and Sunday night is gone... 

I wish I could remember what the hell I had written here... Let's see... Bonnie had some of the kids... I took Cindy shopping and picked up her medication at Kaiser... 

This may become my new tagline:

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

I had the the beginning of a pretty good rant going here but I can't remem....ahhh shopping, it was about shopping for girls clothing... I hate it... no two stores or manufacturers seem to be able to label cloths the same... some have two or three size labeling scheme on the same damn rack... size 6 - lord knows what... XSM, SM, MED, LG, XL, XXl, XXXL Petite size Small... short, long, regular... Now that's a silly size isn't it... I have never met a female that would deem herself to be regular, or average or even normal for that matter... all women are special in their own eyes... unique... They can't even be consistent about what they call the section... Ladies, Women, Girls, Teens, Misses, 

Monday                   September 3, 2000 

LABOR DAY

.Christy took Mike and DaMoke out shopping, Monica has a party to go to at her friend Sarah's house in Palmdale Christy is buying her a present to give Sara and some new clothes for school... Christy took Monica to the door, she heard Sarah behind the door saying... "Is it her? Is she here? She's here!!! She's here!!! Monica is Here!!!!" 

Christy has to take mike shopping... it drives me nuts... he will pout and whine to get a pair of Nike warm-up pants that cost as much as Cindy's entire wardrobe

I took Calie and Autumn to McD's... Autumn is a real people magnet, I like to take her places.

Christy went over to Bonnie's place to get the kids... she tried to take them shopping and actually bought them some stuff but Cindy started to lose it and Chris had to bring them home... Poor Cindy is a basket case, it is 1700 and she missed her 1500 medication... she just sobs so hard she breaks my heart... she has no control over this behavior, it took us a while to figure that out... we used to get angry at her for not telling us why she was so upset because it looked manipulative and contrived but it's not... she just has manic episodes... or bi-polar... or psychotic... or your guess is as good as anyone's... she has enough control to keep it together at school... or she represses the feelings till she gets home... she feels safe here so she can let it all hang out... sometimes, when she is really stressed she gets silly, or goofy... perhaps inappropriately playful and she laughs uncontrollably...

I smelled smoke, well... Calie smelled it first... the smell seemed to be coming from the North but in this valley winds can push the smoke in any direction... I walked around the house but could see nothing... too dark to see smoke but there were no flames... it will be hard to sleep tonight...

Tuesday                   September 4, 2001  

SCHOOL STARTS TODAY!

... No hint of a fire... 

First day of School, my favorite day of the year... School starts at 0800 at "High Desert" for Cindy and Mike, at 0825 at Meadowlark for Autumn, and 0835 at Acton Elementary for "B", Calie and Monica... Christian is still being home schooled. Everyone was excited Cindy was up at 0530, everyone was up by 0600... amazing, I wish every day would be like this... I had to yell at them to stay out of the cars because they wanted me to take them an hour early... Christy took Mike and Cindy and went down to buy lunches... I took Autumn to school first... I was under the impression that she was going to morning kindergarten then afternoon kindergarten... but she is in a K-1 class in the morning... I am a bit anxious about this development... seems like morning will be a little demanding for her and afternoon will be a little ... whatever the opposite of demanding is... we will have a review of this arrangement in about 3 weeks.

Christy went out and did some shopping and paid for Autumn's lunch. I picked up the kids at their allotted time... Cindy was a little late so I had to pass on doing a little grocery shopping. I took Mike and Calie and went to Lowes Home Improvement Center and bought the drywall and lumber for the front porch, I had to rent a truck... 19.95 for 75 minutes... it took me 72 minutes to drive home, unload and drive back... I didn't get the RR ties because Lowes doesn't handle RR ties... she mumbled something about a license to handle creosote. seems pretty lame. 

Wednesday                   September 5, 2001  

...Christy was out the door at 0740 with Cindy and Mike. I took the rest of the kids to school at 0815 then Autumn to Therapy at 0900 then to school at 1030, I dropped Christian off with Christy at the College in Lancaster at 1130... checked out RR ties at a couple places and got home about 1245... school called to take Mokie her asthma medication at 1320...I picked up Cindy at 1415... and then the rest of the kids... 

I got to Meadowlark a little early and picked up Autumn... I buckled her up and went out of the parking lot and couldn't move... the little two lane road was completely blocked by SUV's and Dualy's and Suburbans and Full sized Crew-cab pickup trucks. Those big trucks couldn't turn around... they parked them on the road... one guy even double parked in front of the entrance so no one could get by... I guess if you own an Excursion you can do anything you want... I get pretty upset with those special folks who are indifferent to their fellow travelers in this world... another jerk in a smaller SUV parked so close to the entrance the school bus couldn't get by him... when the school bus driver honked at him and asked him to move he yelled something at her and flipped her off... I got home about 1530... sometimes the world around me is so entertaining it's hard to walk away. 

Today was so hectic I couldn't even read my e-mail... it is now 1930, Christy is on her way home via Pizza Hut... she should be home at 2000... 

They made the Palmdale Pizza Hut into a Fast Food Joint...I mentioned that before... but I didn't realize how much their food had changed till tonight... it was virtually tasteless... the sauce is bland... or something... the kids even noticed. 

The kids are all dervishes... I am tempted to just go down to the local bar and get a beer...  I feel like a zookeeper... feeding and caring for the animals knowing full well they would kill me if I turned my back... not that bad but it's getting a bit hard to sustain my composure lately... the reward for successfully rearing a child is to see them leave... what kind of deal is that... I think I need another vacation... many more days like today and ... I don't know...

Thursday                   September 6, 2001  

...Christy is teaching from 0900 to 1200... Autumn had therapy... 

After Therapy Autumn and I went down to see Phil, Phil was Autumn's Therapeutic Preschool teacher/therapist... It was good to see him again, there are a bunch of people who think he is a pretty special guy. He is a positive, upbeat motivator, one of the really good guys... it is one thing to be positive and upbeat in spite of reality and another to be positive and upbeat about reality... that's what makes Phil special... I have to remember to get a picture of him next Wednesday...

"B" forgot to take his medication... 

Cindy is now officially off Imipramine and on Lithium... she is still acting the same as she was, I don't know how long Lithium takes to be effective I will have to call Doane... I have a tendency to expect medications to have an immediate affect.

Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him,

and to let him know that you trust him.

I was filling out those inane cards that you have to fill out every year, the Name, Address, next of kin, responsible neighbor, so tedious, every year... nothing has changed... they have thousands of dollars worth of computers and people available to update them... instead they will spend days  unstapling the old cards stapling the identical new cards and filing them back again... so lame... anyway, as I was going through the paperwork in Autumn's bag I noticed a new edict from the Meadowlark School ... 

There will no longer be birthday parties with food in the classroom... some kids are allergic to some of the ingredients in some of the confections handed out at these decadent affairs don' cha' know. No more food in the classroom... no chocolate chip cookies... no cup-cakes. OK, that's stupid and overprotective but wait, there's more...in the same message it said:

Children will no longer be allowed to hand out birthday invitations to their classmates in the classroom... it is too traumatic emotionally for the poor little tykes who are left out... 

The PC Terrorists are at it again... I don't know of any way to stop them...who is going to risk incurring the wrath of the Super Moms by saying... "This is the most incredibly stupid piece of crap I have ever seen." As soon as you open your mouth to protest you know that you will be accused of being, stupid, unenlightened and insensitive, putting the poor little children in harm's way, not being tuned in to the subtlety's of neurosis blah blah blah... excuse me... children are being deprived of being allowed to grow up... They are not given responsibility for their own well being, they will grow up presuming that the world will protect them from their allergies, that they will never have to experience rejection. Bull... Kids need to learn how to cope with rejection early... they need to learn how to conform to social conventions or accept the consequences... they can't expect that the rest of the world will forgo Twinkies because they are allergic to the preservatives. If they are allergic to chocolate then the had better damn well learn how to say "No thank you." when chocolate is offered  ... or that they can't smell bad, pick their nose, be mean, or spit on their classmates and still be invited to parties. how do we expect them to learn how to survive in society?

I heard a story about a mom who, every time her little darling gets a "B" or better, comes to school with a big bouquet of balloons and candy and marches right into the room and makes a big spectacle of herself and her poor kid... jeeze... how incredibly lame... not only is she disrupting the class, undermining the teacher's authority, humiliating her own kid she is making all the other kids jealous... 

The well intentioned PC Nazi's are creating a generation of pampered sociopath's. We are raising kids who know that they are Special, Unique, Empowered... They are so special that their the Right of Self Expression, and Freedom of Speech extends  to infringing on the rights of others. I am sorry... I think promoting that that sort of lie is despicable... We may be Special and Unique in the eyes of our parents and in the eyes of God, but society, the law and everybody else on the planet couldn't care less about your self image, or if you fit in or not. If you are an odd-ball and you like being an odd-ball, more power to ya, but you need to be able to cope with being rejected by society. If you tattoo "Eat S**t" on your forehead you had better accept the fact you won't get a job at McDonalds or anywhere else, and people will probably not want to be around you...We are raising a nation of Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's, desperate kids who will react to alienation by their peers by killing them or by killing themselves... every school will become a potential Columbine... 

Friday                   September 7, 2001  

...Apparently they are arbitrarily changing Autumn's Pull-Up as soon as she walks through the door. They have deemed it to be a regulation... it makes me very angry. Regulations... the bibles of the brain dead bureaucrats... I don't need to think, I have no need for common sense I have a book of Standards and Practices... rules and regulations!!! 

Accountability, the Bush Era Buzz-word... sounds good... it's hard to rebut someone that says "The problem with [Education, Welfare, Government, Military] is that there isn't any accountability. The floggings will stop when productivity improves... 

Food services... We usually take one check for all five kids down to the School Admin offices at Acton School ... I went down to pay for Mike and Cindy and the LLIC (Lunch Lady In Charge) said she needed "...separate checks, make them out for $40.00"... I said "What? I have always paid for all my kids at the same time..." She said officiously "The policy has changed." I said "Who changed it" "Headquarters" (Yes, she really said "Headquarters.... ) "I said where is that..".anyway the conversation deteriorated and I ended up on the losing end... as usual, she is just a young lady trying to make it through the day... I was wasting my time, and I knew it... I just wonder how people can live like that... another bureaucrat who suspended reason for a paycheck... this new policy was put in place so as to make it easier on the lady who does the accounting... one check per kid, always for $40. I guess so... I will just go back down to the administration office next time... 

Dianne at Acton school called, Monica has been going into the office complaining of various maladies every day...  since school started...The implication being Monica is scamming them trying to get out of work... Christian says "They have timed tests at 11:00 every day for the first two weeks in third grade... Hmmm I will talk to her when she gets home... Also, she took her asthma inhaler to school and got busted with it... that is a big deal... you can't even take Chapstick to school without a prescription... I want to move to Montana... of course there is a whole different meaning to the phrase "Politically Correct" up there.  

PS... I got Monica home... she has a temperature of 103.8... S..heeeit... I think I will have to talk to Acton School. Her temp is down to 100 now... damn... I feel like I betrayed her...

Saturday                   September 8, 2001

...Didn't do much today... Christy took the girls to church, Mike was at the Goodman's, I took Christian to Shon Parkers... at 1500 Christy left Mokie and Autumn here and took the rest to some sort of "Bible Study" at her church... it bothers me that I am not defending my position on this development more industriously but arguing is pointless and she has no respect at all for my views on the subject so...

Sunday                   September 9, 2001

At about 1700 I decided to take the tapes back to Albertson's.. I had copied "The Mexican" but I haven't watched it yet... I had another tape about leopards that Mokie wanted to watch... she didn't like it. I got in my car and stopped at the mailboxes and got the mail... as I got back in I noticed that I had forgotten the tapes... damn I hate that It's not Alzheimer's it's being a scatter-brain... I have been doing stuff like this every day of my life all of my life... It's a wonder I have lived this long...

As I was driving out to take some video tapes back to Albertson's I noticed a sign announcing a "Public Hearing" apparently someone is going to try to build some houses (39 of them) on 79 acres where the pavement ends on Crown Valley... to my knowledge this it the third attempt by a contractor to develop that property since we moved up here... maybe the fourth.

I stopped at the 76 Station and saw Linda behind the counter... last year she asked for a raise and when she didn't get it ... she quit... I wish I knew her well enough to get the particulars on her going back to work but.... I don't...someone will know.

I got to Albertson's and saw Autumn's preschool speech teacher... she was a well intentioned but totally incompetent little person, we were about to ask to have her replaced but the school beat us to it... it was an awful experience.  She hadn't a clue what to do with Autumn, she had all these screwy ideas that might possibly have worked on some other kid but... not with Autumn, She would get angry and frustrated with Autumn...  Getting angry at autumn has no affect on her at all but getting frustrated with her gets her very agitated... Autumn tries so hard to communicate and when someone gets frustrated and throws up their hands, Autie gets pissed... She was looking for a movie... I recommended "Enemy at the Gate" (Can you tell I can't remember her name?) 

Cindy was about as out of control as I have ever seen her... all day... last night she was determined to hurt Monica... Monica had teased her and then she threw a pull-up at her... Cindy started screaming like Monica had hit her with a crowbar, she reached down and grabbed the nearest thing, which happened to be a flashlight with two "D"-Cell's in it and threw it at Monica,,, she hit her in the back of the leg... Mokie went to the floor and I went after Cindy... Cindy wanted to hurt Monica... I had to restrain her. I held her hand she tried to pull away and kept threatening Monica It took every thing I had to hold on to her... this morning there are bruises on her hand... I don't know what else to do...

Christy had Calie and Mike at church... Mike is helping to dig a trench for a new wall... Christy went shopping and bought me a new tape recorder...I seem to be able to use a recorder, I can't remember to take notes but I can click on the recorder and give myself instructions effortlessly so ... when the old Sony broke I asked her to get me a new one... the Sony cost over $100.00, this little GE cost 25 bucks... cool.

...I heard a quote out of the corner of my mind, Sunday Morning was doing one of their eulogies (apparently Hayward Hale-Broun passed away) and I heard "... curiosity will sustain you" Now, I had only ever seen him doing horserace commentary, doing a sort of breathless rave on one of the most irrelevant,  self aggrandizing of all pastimes. I never got the bug so I never understood the reverence or the passion for watching wealthy people getting richer by exploiting the the physical accomplishments of their employee's and their animals,  but I finished watching the eulogy there was more to he guy than I thought...so I looked him up on the Internet... the more I read the more I wish I had paid more attention to him. 

I found the quote:   

"There will come a time when passion is gone, there will come a time when ambition is gone. 

Curiosity will sustain you."

I am trying to figure out concisely why that phrase "Curiosity will sustain you" struck a chord... I think that he has put into words what I have deemed to be a pearl of wisdom that I have just been in the process of discovering, I am happiest when my curiosity has unearthed a small "truth", or turned up hear-to-for unknown (to me) fact, or debunked a lie, even finding a link to a branch of my family can be the high point of my day  

He also said 

"The only wise thing I ever said was....; "If you live to be 60 years old and you have a total of five happy years you’ve done well. You take them out like beads on a rosary. I’ve had seven, but I’m 83."

Broun's wife and son had died, he had just had a broken hip replaced, walking painfully with a walker, recuperating from pneumonia when the interviewer commented on his cheerfulness in the face of what he assumed was pain and frustration, Broun offered, as a disclaimer; 

"I’m moderately grumpy but it doesn’t do me much good."

... He had lost jobs and been barred from venue's because of his unwillingness to compromise his integrity and "honor"... he fought McCarthy, he campaigned for a union position in Actors Equity and won on an Anti-Blacklisting ticket... He made another concisely put summation of a concept that has been a concern of mine:  

"One of the things that has concerned me my whole life, is the nature of honor."

... I don't know what that meant to him but to me, leading an honorable life is a higher aspiration than any other... I haven't always led an honorable life, but since I have been an adult I have strived to... 

I am thinking of the concept of "defending your honor"... I don't know what that means. The more I think about it "Honor" seems to be a pretty elusive concept. It is something you have complete control over but you can't don it's mantle, it has to be bestowed on you. I wonder if what I am thinking of is less "honor" and more like competence... integrity.. . trustworthiness... . honesty... . credibility...  If all of those words add up to honor then I guess I have it right. To me being honorable means precisely that, being a person who worthy of being honored.