February Week 1, 2008

Friday  February 1 , 2008

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

Erma Bombeck

New post on Carringbridge.com by Amy... here is a snip:

The status of my soul has been called into question; according to some, it is now my job to drop everything and ensure that I’ve made Jesus Christ my Personal Lord and Savior (oops, almost typed “personal shopper”…ha ha) and ask him into my heart. Also, it was stated that since everything happens for a reason – duh – that maybe this (cancer) happened so that myself, my daughter and my husband will “see the Light and be able to be with each other and Him for Eternity.” I can’t even respond to that. I can’t even be a smart-ass about that…well, actually I can. Next time I am sitting in a chair with a tube funneling poison into one of my remaining healthy veins or scraping vast handfuls of hair into the toilet I’ll be sure to tell myself “Well, it’s all worth it because now I’ve seen the LIGHT…thanks so much to the person who shook the piss out of my fragile mental state to make me see that”…in fact, I think when I’m done with this I’ll get online and order myself a few Jesus fish and “JESUS IS LOVE” bumper stickers with which I may adorn the wee Ford so that EVERYONE can share in the GOOD NEWS. And then I’ll go and pop some more Vicodin.

What a girl... I am at a loss for words... I am really impressed by the toughness and clarity of this young woman.

I have been inflicted a few times with the well-meaning insensitivity of people who are consumed by their superstitions to the point where they become obsessed by the need to save me from myself.  Frankly the concept that a Heaven exists full of these self-righteous pious souls makes me cringe.

I have a friend who is convinced that his soul has an eternal life because he has a theory that his 'life source[soul] has a half-life like atoms and therefore it will just continue to diminish into infinity… well it comforts him, My personal hope is that the decaying biological structure that totes my mind around will, if I plan well, will eventually fertilize a tree.

I do have a lot of questions especially about Life After Death, and I have paid a great deal of attention to what world’s religions have to say about what happens when you die, so far it's just silly (to me) hopeful superstition as far as I can tell.

My primary question is this; What the hell is, what am "I". To even begin to make sense of it I have to separate my mind from my brain, I don't believe they are  synonymous, my brain is what my mind uses to store and retrieve data. My brain is an amazing muscle, it contains information about my world, it also functions autonomously to keep the body functioning, and subliminally to keep me safe. But my mind is what mystifies me, what the hell is it, how does it work. I, whatever 'I' is, can ask my brain to conjure up an image of the house I used to live in at 6260 N. Santa Monica Boulevard in Whitefish Bay Wisconsin and it will instantaneously present me with the image of a grey salt-box style brick house with a gray roof and white shutters, my mind has the ability to say that that is the correct picture and I have no idea how that process works. I suppose that the conscious awareness I am calling my mind could also be called my soul... or, to use my friends term, Life Force, that directs my brain and deems my mind to be an entity unique in the world.

I have no idea how it all works, I have no idea what God is, I suspect that God is a term synonymous Mystery. As the mysteries get solved the need for God is diminished. 15000 years ago, when we couldn't even explain thunder then we need to have a God to save ourselves from it's wrath. It saddens me that there are still people in this world that are so pathetically stupid and unsophisticated that they can convince themselves that God inflicts Cancer on people to punish then or to test their worthiness... what hope is there for humanity if these people regain power... it frightens me to the core.

Clinton, Huckabee, McCain, Obama ... what a hand to draw to, Clinton is a well intentioned but tuned out politician, Huckabee is tied to and hamstrung by his constituency, McCain is old and he has betrayed his integrity to get the nomination, that leaves Obama, flawed but he has some integrity left... he's the man for now.

Saturday  February 2 , 2008

We all have handicaps. The difference is that some of us must reveal ours, while others must conceal theirs, to be treated with mercy.

Yahia Lababidi, writer (b. 1973)

I had to take Shon to Spokane International today, I also promised the 15 year olds that I would take them to the Valley Mall...

I went to the Sportsman Warehouse and bought another gun... I know, I am getting carried away. It's a Beretta 45 Cal revolver with a birds head handle. It's from the Stampede Collection and called "The Marshal"

I have not shot it yet, and I doubt that I will be able to hit anything with accuracy from more than 20 feet away but that's sort of what it was designed for.

Rick and Skip said that they would be coming over tomorrow to watch the game.

Amanda and Monica and Shon spent about 4 hours in the Mall and they spent every dime I gave them, their option. It was kind of fun having 4 hours to kill, I had a nice lunch, wandered around the Sportsman's Warehouse (bought the gun) Went over to Beaudry's and drooled on the motorcycles

Sunday  February 3 , 2008

The thoughts we choose to act upon define us to others, the ones we do not define us to ourselves.

Yahia Lababidi, writer (b. 1973)

Super Bowl... damn good game, the team I was rooting for lost though. I think they lost because the team they were playing was better prepared and executed better and wanted it more... at least that's my opinion. Both teams left it all on the field, there were no slackers and today the the better team was the Giants.

Skip was going to come over but he got tied into a job over in Ione and missed the game all together, Rick came over and watched the first half with me... parked the Cop Truck in the driveway and started some tongues wagging... funny.

The girls shovled the roof of the shed behind the Community Center in Metaline Falls... really hard work