February 01 w-4
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February 01 w-4
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Tuesday February 19, 2001No Donuts today either... bad Daddy... Supposed to rain... it did... cold and drizzly all day... I took the kids out to McDonalds... I forgot to call "B"... I feel like a real bum... I will call him tomorrow. I worked on the WebPage today I was up till two in the morning... like a fool... it just wouldn't load, Tuesday February 20, 2001 Back to the grind... Got the kids to school. Finally got the WebPage loaded. I loaded a friends web page (The fella that had a heart attack a while back) and checked it out... pretty cool ... he made it in MS Publisher... looks sort of complicated in FrontPage but it works fine, I tested it in Netscape and Internet Explorer... I talked to "B"... We agreed that I would pick him up a week from Friday for the weekend. He apparently had a rough time Sunday, he slugged one of the Staff (a guy)... He is "Campused" for a week... I suspect that my not calling and the prospect of going to a Golita school is stressing him... that doesn't excuse hitting but it is an extenuating circumstance Had an "online" argument with Jerry again today... wish I could feel like had some sort of constructive impact on him... but he is a pretty tough nut... It is stimulating to argue... I enjoy debating ... I just wish I was good at it... I seem to learn a lot during these heated discussions, I am getting better but I still have no impact on Jerry... we argue about just about everything... I never realized how easy it was to be contrary... Christy fell at the after school care place where her friend Peggy works... she twisted her ankle and skinned her knee... Wednesday February 21, 2001 Christy can't put any weight on her foot so I took to Kaiser, they X-Rayed it and couldn't see any problem, it is wrapped up and she is coping with the aid of Vicodin and a cane. "B" called, he has one week of going to a real school under his belt, he said he had a good time today and enjoyed school, the did well on his spelling test. Calie needed to do a report on the Chumash Indians (An ancient tribe that had several communities in the Santa Barbara area), the report requires a 2 page paper and a diorama... she worked hard and deserves credit... Mom and Dad worked hard too. Christy is trying to help Christian bring his grades up enough so that he will get promoted into 6th grade... he is not cooperating, as a matter of fact he is resisting her help... Christy is really frustrated with him... Mike got into trouble again today... he just can't seem to control his temper... he reacts without thinking to the slightest provocation. I am very concerned... he is just not making good decisions... I was supposed to go to Riverside today to pick up Autumns shoes and her backpack... with Christy's foot I didn't feel right leaving her home all night alone with the brood. I did run over to Valencia to check in as a volunteer for the Cowboy Poetry Festival in Newhall... I had coffee with Tony after the meeting... Thursday February 22, 2001 .. Christy had a meeting in Lancaster about her new job. He foot seemed a lot better... I got Autumn to school on time and drove down to Canyon Country to meet Tony for lunch... it was a welcome diversion from my normal routine... I don't wish trouble on anyone but it is sobering and in a strange way comforting to be presented with the reality that I am not alone when it comes to the reality that we live in a world that doesn't always have our best interests at heart. I got an e-mail from a friend up North who's wife is recovering from a broken foot and he mentioned various other nagging problems. I talked to Tony and we swapped "Ain't life a bitch" stories then we spent the rest of the hour smarting off to the waitress... I needed that... I see folks all day and they all seem so in control and purposeful... I know in what's left of my rational mind that they all have insecurities and they have trials and tribulations to cope with. It's hard for me to accept the reality that those "other people" are probably leading lives as screwed up and "real" as mine. I look at folks and think irrationally that somehow their lives are far less complex, and how nice that they are able to flit about carefree and unfettered by the "real" problems that even come close to approximating the ones that torment me and my little family. I see the Mommies bounding around doing errands, chatting animatedly on cell-phones, their lives in apparent perfect order while I climb back into my truck to drive back to retrieve the mailbox keys that I had forgotten on my desk. Friday February 23, 2001
I went to McDonalds because I only had $6 and I needed to get Autumn something too... I like McDonalds... the breakfast's are pretty good and it's usually pretty mellow in there. Usually there are two groups of elderly folks in there, one bunch of ladies and one bunch of old guys talking passionately about things they have no control over and how they would run the world if someone would only put them in charge... today the main topic seemed to be the auto industry and how we were all being ripped off. There are usually some homeless folks in there too... they are pretty harmless but they are also pretty demented... there was an old lady there today, I hadn't seen her before, she was with a younger man who appeared to taking care of her but he was a little off center himself, she scurried over and took my Sports Page when I went up to get my order... she said "I'm not going to keep it!" and then she muttered something about "There aren't any real boxers any more..." strange... I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be so lost in my own mind that I couldn't get out. The world outside their minds doesn't really exist, they are surreal to us but to themselves the only sanity is the world they have created. It's a sad concept, but to them they are in complete control, for all I know it may be sort of blissful... they seem happy, or angry, or reflective but they are responding to voices they have created... I got back to Acton a little early and after I got the mail we went to the Acton Market to kill time before Autumn's school started... at least four people came up to Autumn and said; "Hi Autumn!" I knew two of the ladies but the others were strangers to me... everybody knows Autumn... she is a real magnet... even grumpy old guys stop and talk to her... it's pretty amazing. We got to school and I walked around to the playground but the gate was locked, we went to the classroom but the Morning Kindergarten was still there, we went to the Library but we got kicked out of there because some lady marched a PE class in and usurped the area so we went to the Cafeteria ... Miss J came out and tried to shoo us back in the Library but we pointed out the PE class and you could see her little world crumble... she got back on her Walkie-Talkie and called the Office (about 20 feet away) and was told to take the kids to the Cafeteria She said: "Ok, I guess we'll have to use the Cafeteria!" in a tone of voice that implied she had made the decision herself... talk about living in a world that only exists in your head... The kids were almost good tonight... only two fights that actually came to blows and I managed to get Christian to bed by about 22:45...Autumn took a nap and was a real bear to put to bed... she just does pretty much whatever she wants to do... A friend sent me the URL for Amused (Site has been sold, lord knows where you will find these people now) what a great site... I killed about an hour tonight reading some of the "COLUMNS" these are real writers who write weekly stories, comments, rants observations... very good writing... I am envious. "There goes the Neighborhood" is almost as funny as "The Cameron Column" Saturday February 24, 2001 .. The furnace was dead this morning, dryer worked fine, couldn't keep the pilot light lit = defective thermal-couple. Went down to Home Depot with Mokie and Autumn and bought a new one... $5.33... a visit from Sears costs $93.00 even if he doesn't fix the trouble... I got lucky... the new Thermal-couple did the trick. The State Tax Refund was deposited at the bank... according to the website it will be put into my account on Monday. It is so slick to be able to check on that stuff... Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator and writer (106-43 BCE) Sunday February 25, 2001.. I got up to watch the races on TV... two bike races and "Rockingham" NASCAR is a kick... last weekend was tragic but it was an anomaly. they are saying that Earnhardt's seatbelt failed... shame. The bike races were pretty good and Rockingham was rained out... didn't appear that anyone's heart was really in it. I took Calie and DaMoke out with me when I went to get Autumn's Phenobarbital and my Zantac, I took the girls into the ".99 Cent Store" because their allowance was burning a hole in their pockets... they love that place. They love to shop, it's a girl thing... When we were back in the truck with all their loot Mokie asked "Have you ever had a hundred dollars daddy." I said "Yes". Calie said; "I saw Grandma give a hundred dollar bill for a loaf of bread at the Acton Market" Mokie said; "If I had a hundred dollars I would buy a big house... with a pool... and a spa!" I guess they aren't as sophisticated as they pretend to be... I took Mike up to his friend Thomas's house and had to turn around and go get him when I got home... he was at a neighbors house because Thomas's family was at Children's Hospital in Santa Monica waiting to see if the surgeons can save the thumb on Thomas's little brothers hand, he lost two fingers and mangled the thumb when an M80 went off in his hand... he is 11... Christian's age... I am concerned about where he got the damn thing... if there is one in town there are potentially 100 or more... as far as I know, the nearest place to get an M80 is Wyoming... so sad... about the only thing to say is that he will serve as a visible warning about how dangerous fireworks can be... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a chocolate cake. .... I feel better already.
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.. Snowed hard this morning as we were getting the kids ready for school... I called CCS and told Janie I wouldn't be coming in... the Highway Patrol will shut down the freeway in a heartbeat if the snow starts to stick... The last thing I need is to be stuck in Palmdale with my kids here in Acton... there was only an inch or so of snow when I took off with Mike and DaMoke... when I got down to town I realized I had panicked to soon, there was no snow and the roads were clear but wet... there was still snow hitting the windshield though... Christy took off with the other kids and went to Lancaster to teach... I called CCS again and told Janie I changed my mind and would be bringing Autumn in for therapy after all... she said fine... 
