View from the Cop

Crime summary sent to residents has practical advice, observations on criminal 'Einsteins.'

10.27.04
Tackled a naked guy? Counseling available

What you don't know will hurt you

Report of identity theft: Someone accessed the victim's credit card info and charged $1,600. Check your credit report at least annually and READ your credit card statements each and every time. Shred your stuff.

Tough guy, huh?

We recovered a stolen 2004 Honda moped motorcycle. How low is your self-esteem when you decide to risk jail for a moped? What do you tell the other real thieves in the tank? They're in for stealing cars, trucks, and big motorcycles -- something that has a market. You're in there for a crummy little moped. Get a life!

There are times when you have to have that talk with your kids.

The one about taking care of one another and family loyalty and rules. The first talk, when they have monster problems, is to reassure your children that you'll be there for them.

The second time is when they are about 10 or 11, when you're trying to get them to be responsible at school and keep their grades up. I had this chat with my 12-year old son.

The third one, by the way, is the "we-love-you-now-get-out" talk when they are 18.

I thought this was a good time to have the talk about making good choices. The one that says sometimes work isn't fun, studying isn't fun, etc.

You need to develop a responsible attitude and get the job done now so that you can enjoy the rewards later.

Our household has two standing rules. One: There is no tolerance for cursing or "tacky" language. This includes burping. This is the law of Detective Sandy and it's a line we don't dare cross. (The second absolute in our home is that everything must be vacuumed daily. I've never seen someone so driven to rid the carpet of dirt. There is no dirt in our house, yet our carpet has developed the equivalent of male pattern baldness. We have missing pets).

I started a conversation with my youngest son about responsibilities while we were watching TV in the basement. The basement is the recreation area for everyone in the family. The big screen, the Xbox and the bar. Something for everyone. We were watching TV and I started in on how happy we were with my son's grades and how responsible he is.

We were sipping on a couple of soft drinks. I had just gotten to the part about how being responsible has its own long-term goals when I accidentally let go of the mother of all burps. It hit before I could do anything about it. My son laughed at me. I rolled my eyes back, pretending to be slightly embarrassed, and was in the process of getting back to the point of how responsibility pays off when I heard my wife coming down the stairs demanding to know who was responsible for that sound. I didn't know we had company upstairs.

I looked at him, he looked at me. I imagine he was thinking that we were going to have to take this chewing out together because -- well -- it was the responsible thing to do. Face the music. He turned to await his mother's arrival through the basement door. I ran out the back door. He never had a chance. I guess I need to have that other talk with him. About how sometimes life can be so unfair.

Pot roast

A guy got into an argument with his girlfriend and the police were called. When they arrived at the Morgan's Landing Drive address, they saw the man with a large bulge in his pocket. They asked what it was. He told them it was a Tupperware container holding marijuana. He was cited for the small amount of pot and released. Nothing says fresh pot like Tupperware.

He fell when he flailed

Officers got a call of a drunk guy starting fights in a Roswell night club. The patron, who had been put out of the club, started flailing his arms at the officers. Unfortunately, he forgot that when you over-flail you frequently lose balance. He fell, cutting his head. He refused treatment and was arrested.

Don't be an opportunity

A female victim said she returned to her house just before 1 a.m. Two males emerged from behind the house as she walked to the front door. One subject grabbed her purse. The second suspect took a laptop computer. A witness got the 1990 Honda Accord's tag number and it was registered to an address in Stone Mountain. The officers found the victim's wallet under a nearby tree. The victim said that she had $3,000. The officer reported finding $2,000 in the purse.

Advice: Own a business or handle cash deposits? You need to get your money secured as soon as possible by using a bank-deposit facility. Even then, use an unsystematic method of movement each night so your movements won't be anticipated. It sounds like the victim created the opportunity by bringing home the evening's cash. The suspects knew she had routinely carried money.

10.12.04
If Scotty won't beam you up, try one of these excuses for speeding

Someone asked me recently:

"Does it bother you that firefighters seem to be more popular than police officers now days?"

I'll tell you why they'e more popular. (Other than that they run into burning buildings to save people and things).

They don't write tickets!

Santa Claus would take a hit in his approval rating if he wrote tickets. We've written 17,230 traffic tickets in north Fulton this year. That makes for 17,230 people who won't be sending Christmas cards to us. Instead, it's 17,230 additional tacky doughnut jokes! 17,230 more embellished stories of "I was going the speed limit but he charged me with 70/35! You know, those radars actually clock trees! It was so unfair!"

I do like some excuses. I stopped a car once and as I approached the driver, he flipped his wallet open and said, "Kirk to Enterprise, beam me up fast!"

I thought that was witty and original.

I told him so as I wrote the citation. (He had run a light in a busy intersection, nearly causing an accident. No warnings on those.)

But speeders, please be honest.

Most motorists are not good at unprepared lying. When you're suddenly stopped by an officer and he or she is at the window asking why you were speeding, you probably won't do your best work. You didn't have any prep time.

Most metro agencies have a gray area of speed that, even though you're over the posted limit, you really don't get too noticed. You don't see many 56/55 tickets. Most officers will tell you that first impressions often go a long way in whether or not he or she writes the citation.

Here's a good heads-up on arguing the speed: Don't deny going 75 in a 55, then say you were only going 65. You're still admitting the violation. People do this in court all the time and it pretty well wraps the case up.

Some of our fine citizens have problems understanding laws on speed.

The most vulnerable are the middle- to upper-middle management males. We refer to them as those with an inflated sense of self-importance.

They have three stages of behavior when stopped:

1. Denial.

2. Argumentative.

3. Who they know .

The first two stages are generally expected and can be very entertaining.

Denial:

•"There's no way that I could be doing 75 miles per hour. This car won't even go that fast."

•"I would never, ever, ever, go that fast."

•"I'm not capable of driving over the speed limit because I respect the law."

•"I'm too drunk to drive that fast."

•"On the grave of my grandparents* and all my other relatives including my in-laws, and even those I don't know, I would swear to you in the presence of my children and close neighbors that I absolutely and without any hesitation that I was not driving that fast. [*In detective-school, the emphatic and emotional response to a question is known as a clear tip off-the person is lying.]

Argumentative:

•"You're writing this ticket because you have a quota and that is so wrong!"

•"You're getting back at me because I'm driving a Mercedes and you can't afford one."

•"You're on a power trip, dude."

Who they know:

[You need to be careful on this one because you may have your bluff called. Personally, I made time to verify this one.]

"I know the ..."

Class 1 list:

•County chairperson

•Mayor

•City councilman or county commissioner

•Chief / deputy chief / precinct commander

Class 2 list:

•Lieutenant / sergeant

•Neal Boortz

•Monica Kaufman

•Monica Kaufman's hair

•Various police officer friends

•Clark Howard (He won't take a collect call)

•Newspaper reporters

•The "I-Team"

•The "60-Minutes" camera crew

Class 3 list:

•Any TV judge

•Officer Don (Atlanta natives only: remember "Ooey-Gooey?")

•Dan Rather (recently demoted from Class II)

•Some guy named Bob

•I stopped a guy once and he actually dropped my name. It was, well, awkward.

OK, back to the original question.

Someone has to write the tickets, and I don't want to trade places with the firefighters. You don't want me driving that big red truck in the middle of the night after being awakened from a good sleep.

First of all, I'd be late; secondly, I'd probably get lost. (There's nothing more embarrassing than a big fire truck with red lights and a blasting siren trying to turn around in a cul-de-sac.)

I don't mind all the fuss over firefighters.

We still have "Adam-12."

10.5.04
Ruh-ro!

Security at a Johnson Ferry Road discount store called police after they saw a man take two video games and conceal them in the pockets of his shorts. The perp also took an MP3 player and concealed it. The hideous part of this crime is what happened next: The man took a pair of Scooby Doo slippers and placed them in a bag he was carrying. He had to be arrested for the good of America.

Skipping the tequila tab

A guy went to a State Bridge Road bar and ran up a $31 tequila tab. He tried to pay with a credit card, but it was declined. The waitress said he waited until she wasn't looking then ran out. Now, think ahead. $31 in tequila is going to loop anyone.

What should the waitress have done to capture the tequila-soaked customer after he ran out the door? The first correct answer will win a set of COP-CARDS and a coupon for a free burrito or order of tacos at Chipotle located at 5250 Winward Pkwy! (HINT: I have discussed how to do this before)

Calling the heat

A man called police after he said he got into an argument with another man whom he reportedly owed $50,000. He described it as a "heated" argument. The man threatened to kill him and then left. Anything involving $50,000 would be "heated," wouldn't it?

You talking to me?

If you spend all your time on your cell phone, you probably use the ear piece so that you can talk while walking around -- or standing near me. Please take notice: We don't want to listen to your $%#& conversations!!

I don't want to watch you walk around in tiny little circles talking while using your now-free hands to make all sorts of hand gestures that the other person CAN'T see! Because you don't have to hold the phone to your ears, you now think that you need to talk even louder. You don't. Here are some places you should curb your phone:

-- The line to pay for something.

-- The line to wait for something.

-- The line to pay your fine.

-- The lobby of the north annex.

-- The table next to me.

All of the above would be just fine if you would tone it down. If not, then those around you should be entitled to hear both sides of the conversation and submit their opinions on your conversation.

Got it?

10.4.04
Run, run, run run, runaway

At about 5 a.m. on Roswell Road, officers made a traffic stop on a van with a tail light burned out. The van slowed to about 5 mph, then the driver jumped out and ran.

The officer chased him into an apartment complex. The suspect threw down a plastic bag (crack cocaine) while running (multi-tasking) but he should have been looking ahead because he ran off an 8-foot ledge and ended up on the ground.

The officer got to him, checked his pockets, found two bags of marijuana and some keys. The guy, when he came to, started arguing with the officer, then gave him several aliases. Mr. X was taken to jail and an advanced fingerprint index was done. The results turned up his real identity and showed he had a suspended driver's license, two outstanding warrants (gun charge in Roswell and fraud in Gwinnett).

Did you know? When a uniformed officer chases someone, on foot, into a high-crime apartment area, everybody starts running. The bad guy's running, the other residents are running, the maintenance man starts running.

When quarters work better than crowbars

A citizen stopped and told an officer that someone was breaking into a Coke machine at 1:30 a.m.

The officer pulled up and the suspect, now in his car, tried to leave. The officer pulled him over and found a total of three guys in the car. The officer found two crowbars in the car with paint that matched the Coke machine paint. (The suspect said he was trying to get a Coke.)

The three guys started blaming one another so they all went to jail. One of the subjects had an outstanding warrant from Paulding County on him for probation violation.

Something to catch their eye

Smash and grab reported at a pizza place on Roswell Road. Someone broke through the front door and took $130 cash. If you own a business like this it may not be a bad idea to leave some flash-cash ($50-75) out in case this scenario happens to you. Sometimes the burglars will take what they see and quickly exit.

Evidently, robbery was filling

Another smash and grab. This one at a Chinese restaurant. $550 taken from the cash register. The officers waited to see if they would come back in a half-hour ... but they didn't.

9.28.04
Cabbie's fare must be named Ralph

The cabbie told the officer that, he has a policy for people who throw up. He was in the process of explaining the policy when the suspect hit him several times. The suspect was so drunk that he was unable to explain his side of the story or his opinion on the throw-up policy.

The suspect was taken to Fulton County Jail. I was unable to get details on the policy.

From ornery to downright outrageous

Officers were called to a Franklin Road apartment complex regarding a fight. The officer spoke to two women who told him everything was OK. One had just dropped a bloody tissue, so the officer asked about it. One of the females became very irate and loud while cursing at the officer. The loud cursing gave out a rather alcohol-tinged smell -- so the officer questioned this. He was berated and cursed at by both of the women, who called him names and said he was stupid.

Still, the officer said, "Go home." Did they go home? No. A second officer arrived. The officers said the two women walked off and continued to curse at the officers, who by now must have had their feeling hurt. The officers informed them they were under arrest.

The two girls, out of fresh obsceninities, decided to run. The officers caught them and had to endure resistance. The women went to FC jail, but on the way they threatened one officer, saying he will pay for taking them to jail. Then they called him two more bad names.

Downloading some real trouble

A man approached our complainant in the parking lot of a Johnson Ferry Road discount store and asked for a cigarette. The man said he had some in his car, so they walked to the complainant's car. The suspect then offered to sell a CD, telling the man he had just stolen it from the store. Unfortunately for the suspect, the complainant was the security man for said establishment. The complainant told the suspect he couldn't buy the CD without the packaging, so the suspect returned to the store bathroom to retrieve the packaging from a trash container. The security guy went with him. He saw six more CD packages in the trash. He then told the master thief who he was, shook him down and found the other CDs on him.

Don't EVER let go of that wallet

A Roswell Road grocery customer sat his wallet down at the customer service area and someone took it. (It doesn't matter how public an area is: Don't remove your wallet from your grip. Don't set anything down, because thieves who work these areas work very fast.)

9.21.04
Wrong number for this fella

An officer was dispatched to a theft call on Willow Heights Trail. Communications advised the officer that the man who called the police was wanted by Duluth Police on a probation violation. The complainant was arrested and taken to Duluth PD. I have no idea what the theft was about. I don't know how smart it was to call the police in the first place.

Barney Fife had this kind of luck

A security guard reported that he left his car running while checking an area in a gated community off Barnwell Road. While he did so, someone got in his security car and left. Later an officer saw the same car leaving the main gate of the residential area. He followed the car into an adjacent subdivision. The car stopped at a dead-end street. The officer chased the driver, who had exited and was conducting an active runaway procedure. He was caught and taken to FC jail. The suspect was a 21-year-old male from Bells Ferry Road in Marietta. (Don't leave the keys in the car and definitely don't leave it running.)

Sad stories; some could have been prevented

-- The Parson Road victim said she attended a football game at Northview High School

She parked across the way at the church parking lot.

She said she didn't lock her car.

She left her purse in the car.

It is not a happy ending.

-- Theft from unlocked auto in garage. The Rivershore Parkway resident was later contacted by a gas station employee saying someone was using a bank card in her name. She also is missing $400-earrings, a $1,500 emerald pendant and a $100 Walkman radio. The garage was left open about 12 inches.

-- The victim said that while she attended an Mount Vernon Highway open house, someone took her wallet out of her handbag. A white male was seen running from the church. He is described as 25-30 years old, dark hair, wearing a red and blue striped shirt and leaving in a white Pontiac Grand Am. If you should see someone matching this description lying in the road -- having just been hit by lightning -- you'll know why.

9.17.04
Not the sharpest shoplifter

The report said a guy took some items from a discount store and didn't pay for them. He walked out, with several employees following. Agitated, he turned toward them and said: "If you don't quit following me, I'll do something crazy."

He then threatened to vote for Ralph Nader.

Actually, he pulled one of the knives he had stolen and showed it. It was still folded up. (This, of course, takes away from the intimidation factor.) The officers arrived and after a brief conversation about bringing knives to gunfights the man decided to drop the knife and was escorted to jail.

Why can't we be friends?

A man went to another Hammond Drive apartment to complain about the noise. He went to the concierge desk as well. On the elevator back up, he ran into the two men he had complained about. (Small World meets Murphy's Law) The complainant took the opportunity to ask the men to turn the noise down. Not surprisingly, an argument ensued. When the elevator got to the complainant's floor one of the noisy guys told him that if he complained again he would do some bodily harm to him. The officer's report said the suspects were uncooperative, but there was no arrest at the time.

Pepper spray primer

Pepper spray is a non-lethal chemical agent which is used in riot control and personal self-defense. The active ingredient is capsaicin, which is a chemical derived from cayenne, paprika or chilies. Pepper spray is known as OC spray (from "Oleoresin Capsicum") or OC gas.

There are plenty of Internet or catalog advertisements for pepper spray. Look for something that will shoot a 10- to 12-foot spray. Some are good for as long as four years. Carefully read and understand the instructions. Last, but not least, don't forget which way it's pointed.

Ivan left his calling card, and Chihuahuas

Have a good weekend picking up stuff from your yard. The wind was out of control. I have a sizable collection of things from a neighbor. I have a number of inflatable pools and plastic play sets, two Chihuahuas, a Ford Escort and some little skinny guy I found stuck to the fence. That was some crazy weather.

Please take the laptop out of the car.

9.14.04
Want a ratchet with your fries?

The victim said she was in a Roswell Road restaurant's drive-through line when the car in front of her backed into her car. She got out to speak with the driver, who reportedly got out of his car with a metal ratchet and held it in a threatening manner, the victim said. The suspect said he was nervous when he walked out of the car, but didn't hold the ratchet in a threatening manner. He was given a copy of charges.

Sometimes, this job really bites

Officers were called to a Summit Springs Drive dispute between a brother and sister over property. The brother was moving out and was trying to get his stuff. While the officers were there, the brother asked for a Sony recorder his sister had in a pocket. She refused to hand it over, even when asked to do so by the officer. When the officer approached, she kicked and bit him. She bit the other officer's arm when he tried to help his buddy. She was eventually controlled and the blessed Sony recorder was given to her brother and she was take to Fulton County jail. Both officers received minor injuries.

Got those loading dock blues

The victim is an employee of a Perimeter Center West hotel. She was contacted by a man who said he got her name from another hotel employee. He told her he worked at a nearby electronics store and could get her a good deal (due to overstocked inventory!!!!). The man said he could get her a plasma TV for $1,000, two computers for $900 and a digital camera for $200. She agreed to meet him and they drove to the store, where she gave him $2,100 in cash. He went inside after telling her to drive up to the loading dock and wait. She waited, and waited É

Careful where you land

Officers received a call that someone had landed a motorized glider on the water treatment land off of Spruill Road. The owner/pilot said he had to make an emergency landing.

I am in the autumn of my career. I have theories and philosophies about almost everything. I like to talk about how life and baseball are so parallel and how I believe that senior citizens who wear those big, giant sunglasses are really aliens whose eyes can't handle the earth's polluted atmosphere.

Philosophies are not meant to be studied alone.

I have two confidants who I consult about my theories and questions that I feel have great impact on me, you, and baseball. They are Philip Brigman and Tony Rose.

Philip Brigman is an executive in the dental supply industry but more importantly, he is a former intern who spent several months with me back in the late '80s. At that time he was a criminal justice major at West Georgia University. I taught Philip the art of cultivating informants and the fine art of juvenile drug investigations, a starter kit for real drug investigations.

Those were enjoyable assignments. We spent most Fridays at Little Five Points looking for Alpharetta runaways or watching the dime-bag dealers do their thing at the bulletin board while we ate a slice of Felini's pizza.

The bulletin board involved two people making a deal for a nickel or dime bag of pot. The buyer would walk up to the old bulletin board, located across the brick courtyard from what is now the police precinct.

The buyer would put his money on the top of the bulletin board, the dealer showed up a few minutes later and replaced the money with the goods. The buyer returned and took the pot.

It seemed like a lot of work to me, but a lot of small-time dealers liked to think they were big-time, hence the drama. If the buyer was unlucky enough to consummate the deal just as we were paying for the pizza, we'd follow him around the corner and do the routine about how bad jail is and other stuff we make up.

For instance, we made up this one law that said it's a federal crime to possess any narcotic within 500 feet of a mailbox. If they went for it then we'd talk about how we were interested in someone staying in touch with us about all these Alpharetta runaways we were having and we might be agreeable to a working relationship for a few months. It was an offer they couldn't refuse. Once set up, I had a smooth, efficient network of information.

Philip introduced me to the theory of the I.F.T.R., or Involuntary Fatty-Tissue Release, in the brain. The theory is that sometimes we just move into another dimension in our mind that we can't hide from.

He went on to explain that he could be in the middle of a meeting when suddenly, for about 10 seconds he would go blank and just smile, you know, like he had gas. Keep in mind that most of these theories we explored were developed very late on Friday nights, but it made sense.

(Later when Philip showed up at my door wearing a Barney costume, pirate's hat and a parachute I had trouble accepting the I.F.T.R. theory -- I think he had issues.)

Tony Rose is my other advisor on the big issues. He equates life's absurdities to the old Firesign Theater character "Nick Danger-Third Eye."

"Nick stopped on a dime. Unfortunately the dime was in Mr. Rococo's pocket." Sometimes things happen in a weird way but they happen just the same.

Tony is a former Fulton County police officer who went on to be an inspector with the U.S. Postal Service in Houston.

He still deals in theories, only now they involve the attempted overthrow of the government by the mole people who write subliminal messages on the Elvis Presley commemorative stamps. He takes it personally when you mess with America and when you mess with the King.

Tony also claims that after 3.4 beers, most men believe that Jimmy Buffett is singing to them personally and they should quit their jobs, move to Key West and live the life of Margaritaville. We've studied this theory and decided it's true. That's why there are so many rum heads in Key West.

It's rare, but all three of us have spent time together discussing our theories and advancing them to new levels. Fortunately, these times are few and far between.

My wife said if I come home in the Barney outfit again she's leaving.

If only the lottery were that easy

A woman walked into a grocery store on Roswell Road and said she won $180 on the lottery. She wanted to use the money to buy additional tickets. They said OK, and asked for the ticket.

She said she left it in the car, went outside and was not seen after that. I'm assuming she didn't really think it through.

Follow the delivery man

The victim reported that someone accessed her check card number and purchased a $2,100 Dell computer. The computer was delivered to a neighbor's apartment.

Here is a good point. Can you see how people are committed to break the law and risk arrest, jail, and a criminal history, yet they cannot come up with a plan any better than having the stolen item delivered to their own residence and in this case, down the street from the victim?

We make TONS of arrests on simple mistakes and the bad guys can't figure out how we found him or her!

Maybe the burglar just wanted to look good

The burglary of a business on Roswell Road was reported. Missing is $168 in cash and six packs of Urban Beauty Hair Weave (color 1B). The suspect could be anybody with fabulous hair.

9.8.04
Look out, Mary Poppins

The record was 47 feet, but it appears the record may have been broken Tuesday.

On the way to work, I counted 15 umbrellas discarded by angry owners. Umbrellas don't hold up to the wind as well as we'd like. I found that out when I took the umbrella/parachute test when I was young. That's why there are a whole bunch of us 5'11'' guys.

Caviar, cash and Frances

The security guys at a Peachtree Dunwoody discount store detained a male for shoplifting some caviar. The man had two wallets, one with a Wisconsin driver's license, and the other with $8,000 in cash and two passports. The man said he lived in Wisconsin but was in Georgia due to the hurricanes (?). He said he had the money to pay for any damage that may occur from the hurricane. He was taken to Fulton County Jail. The money was taken to the property room.

Holding Bambi hostage

On Morton Road, someone stole a bronze statue of a deer valued at $1,000.

Might as well put up a sign saying, "Steal this!"

Please, please, please. Lock your car. Among recent thefts: One owner losing a Canon digital camera ($600), Compaq iPAQ ($600) and 200 CDs (Up to $3,000).

Gimme shelter

A male was arrested for taking several items from a Johnson Ferry Road store and concealing them. He was on probation in DeKalb County and said he was homeless. He allegedly took four hats, four watches and a pair of sunglasses. We were able to find him a home.

9.3.04
Round and round she goes

An officer was investigating a hit and run accident. The officer located the offender's car and was preparing to impound it. Of course the offender walked up and asked the officer what he was doing.

The officer explained and asked who the driver was. The offender said it was a friend. The officer asked a series of questions about the friend and noted the offender's hesitant answers.

The offender, a female, began to cry, then become agitated and said, "Why are you doing this?"

The offender then refused to answer any questions, so the officer said he was going to continue to complete the impound.

The suspect then said, "Look, we can work this out; I'll do anything for you, just put down the report that I was the one driving." (Yes this happens in real life.)

The officer said no, so she ran off. The officer chased her and caught her in the parking lot of the apartment complex they were at.

His report says she ran in circles all the while being held by the arm, screaming for help. I guess this was so that she could be heard in all directions.

She was placed in custody but refused to say who the driver was or where she lived. The officer found paperwork in the car showing where she lived. The door was open but nobody home.

The girl said her boyfriend was on the way home and she wanted the door left open so he could get in. She was charged with obstruction and taken to FC jail.

The boyfriend must feel terrible. His girlfriend will do anything to keep whoever the driver was (probably him) from being discovered but he can't get a key to the door.

Unwarranted behavior

A patrol officer in an area of Johnson Ferry Road at about 3 a.m. said he saw three people standing around a closed business. The officer checked the three subjects on the computer. A female came back with a hit for an outstanding warrant for a suspended driver's license. The girl went to jail.

I've noted this before, but if you have warrants outstanding, why would you hang out at 3 a.m. in an area closed for the night?

Dr. Phil may say that deep down you may have wanted to be caught because your wife or husband doesn't respect you anymore because you don't take care of yourself and gained 30 pounds. Dr. Steve says you're just a moron.

Lock up those laptops

This was a bad week for laptops being left in the car. Take the time to remove it or at least secure it in the trunk.

More rocking chairs go missing

We had another complaint of rockers being stolen from the porches of homes. We've had about six up in the area of Crooked Creek subdivision off Ga. 9 just south of the Fulton/Forsyth County line. One case was in an area east of 400 in Alpharetta and this last one in the area of Spalding Woods in north Sandy Springs.

Mark them for I.D. and perhaps at night you may want to lock them to the deck. I have engravers if you would like to borrow them.

Friends don't let friends bang on doors

Officers were called to an apartment complex at 7 a.m. regarding a suspicious female going door-to-door knocking and making a bunch of noise.

The officer said the woman was mostly incoherent but she said she was trying to find her friend's apartment. The officer told her to give him the apartment number so he could escort her there. (Here's where things go downhill.)

She said she didn't know the number and she didn't have to give him any information. She then tried to walk away but did so very unsteadily. The officer took her by the arm and she did what most drunks do when you try to help them: She started swinging at the officer.

She was then arrested and taken to FC jail.

Get a better plan

Female suspect took children's clothing into the bathroom of a store on Johnson Ferry Road and came out without the clothing.

This is like, so boring. Be creative.

Those readily available in Georgia include:
•Barberry
•Scarlet Firethorn (Pyracantha)
•Chinese Holly
•Mahonia
•Silverberry
•Carissa

Others include:
•Poncirus Trifoliatus
•Fuchsia-flowered Gooseberry
•Pincushion Tree
•Holly Olice
•Flowering Quince

Check with a local nursery to determine which plants are suitable for your soil and light conditions and verify that the scrubs will produce adequate thorns. (Thanks to Rick Allen, Emory University PD)

Next week: Building a moat

Don't follow the bounced

A billiards place reported a fight in the parking lot. Two customers were asked to leave, and they beat up the guy who kicked them out. He had followed the two subjects outside after kicking them out. Bouncing 101 will tell you that it's best to stop at the door and if they continue misbehaving, call the police. The two subjects were arrested and taken to jail.

Details, details ...

A female was arrested at a grocery store following an attempt to cash a $306 check with a fake ID. The ID was of very poor quality, having been copied and pasted then laminated. Another problem was the signature was not the same as the printed name on the fake South Carolina license.

Be careful around large moving things, Part 1

If you didn't think smoking was dangerous to your health, officers were called to a fast-food place on Roswell Road just after 3 a.m. on a person-injured call.

The victim was in a car in the drive-through line. His girlfriend was in the car in front of them, also in the drive-through line.

He saw his girlfriend smoking a cigarette and decided he wanted one too. He got out and she got out, but she left her car out of gear. She walked between the two cars to give her boyfriend a cigarette and as she did so, the car rolled back and pinned her between her car and his car. She suffered a deep laceration to her leg.

Be careful around large moving things, Part 2

An employee of a car wash, detailing a car, was struck by another car coming out of the wash area. The car pinned him to the car he was working on. He sustained a cut to his knee and was taken to Northside Hospital via ambulance. He was not smoking.

Generally speaking

Empty your cars of STEAL-ABLE items when you park it overnight. You can expect more theft activity on the weekends now that school is back in.

Leave your expensive jewelry at home when you go to the gym and if you're at work and go to the gym figure out something that doesn't involve leaving your watch in an inexpensive locker. There are people who, if they see you come in with expensive jewelry, take the opportunity to wait until you leave, then steal it.

8.27.04
A safe is only so safe

Ideally, you would want to sink a safe into the ground flush with the foundation and pour concrete around it making it very hard and very noisy to remove. In apartments I would consider a safe-deposit box at the bank for large amounts of cash or jewelry.

Follow the action

See if you can follow this: Two guys got into an argument at a Holcomb Ridge Road bar while in the bathroom. They went back outside and the argument continued until they decided to go outside and fight. Another guy, and then another guy got into the fight. They stopped the fight when someone said the cops were on the way.

This other guy went to get this girl, who knew one of the other guys but she started hyperventilating and throwing up so she went to the hospital. Some of the guys had signs of minor injuries but they didnõt go to the hospital. They were all given copies of charges and released. This happened at about 2:30 a.m.

Implants among the missing

Theft from auto on Peachtree Dunwoody Road. Taken was a work bag containing a digital camera, handheld computer, two pairs of glasses and $4,000 worth of implants. No, I don't think they were those kind, so don't write and ask me.

8.24.04
So that's what happens

According to the report, she took her friend's .22 caliber pistol, pointed it to the ground and shot it "to see what would happen."

What happened is she shot herself in the foot. She said her friends handed her off to her boyfriend who drove her to the hospital, or would have but his car overheated so they went to a house and called 911. She was treated. She told officers she didn't know the person who owned the gun but she had met him at the Regal Cinema some time earlier.

The first rule of garage sales

A woman reported her wallet stolen while she attended a garage sale. She placed the wallet on the curb and when she turned back around, it was gone. $10 cash and credit cards are missing. (Never-never-never-do this)

Dad gets mad

A man called the police to a parking lot at Roswell and Abernathy roads. He said that he had gone to an apartment to meet a girl after she called him and asked him to come over.

When he got there the girl's father was there and proceeded to beat him up with a baseball bat because the victim had previously taken nude photos of the girl.

The victim said he had a signed waiver from the girl stating she was in her 20s and consented to be photographed. The victim ran out of the apartment and later flagged down the police officer. He was injured but refused medical attention.

The batter left the apartment by the time the officers returned. The investigation is pending.

News from The Perfect World

We live in strange times. Our sons are wearing their pants down to their knees and our fathers are wearing theirs so high they have to cut the pockets out to stick their arms through.

Our daughters tell us we don't understand them but we can't understand them because their pierced tongue makes them lisp and spit all over us. We stare at their pierced eyebrow as our fatherly side urges us to be patient and try to understand them while the other side tells us that if we were to reach up there and rip it out it would hurt really bad and they probably wouldn't want to put another one of those things up there--or anywhere else. They would, however, probably report you to some piercing advocate group who would picket your house.

Supposedly we live in an age of communication, but it's getting hard to understand anyone. Daughters talk so fast that it's a blur. The only thing you can do is take a 50/50 chance and nod yes or no. Believe me, that's not a good policy.

Boys are easier to understand because what few words they exchange with you are limited to "What?" and "That's a rip-off" and my favorite one: "No fair."

Now, with age comes wisdom so we use what patience we have to at least try and sort things out. We ask the inevitable question "Did I act that stupid when I was a kid?" (Something, by the way, you never say aloud in the presence of your parents.)

As we get older we find more subtle ways to handle all these questions. Newer parents go directly into anxiety but we older parents find ways to deal with it. I prefer to go to the basement and talk to the dogs. There's nothing like having a cigar and complaining to the dogs about your kids.

Lately I've heard more and more people use the phrase "In a perfect world." In whatever situation they find themselves in, they ultimately say "Well in a perfect world, these things wouldn't happen. In a perfect world, there wouldn't be crime or starvation or kids wearing their pants down to the knees or so many reality shows." Why do you even need to bring it up?

It's futile.

It's torture.

The other day someone said: "You know, in a perfect world, we wouldn't have so much crime and hate."

Who are you fooling?

In a perfect world the first thing we make perfect is us!

In a perfect world the hair on my head would grow and the hair in my nose would stop or at least slow down its rapid growth pattern.

•My knees would quit making that grinding sound.

•I could ask the store clerk where the size 32 waist jeans are located.

•The Braves would call.

•The Cubs would call.

•John Wayne would make another movie.

•Bo Derek would call.

•The lotto guys would call. Twice. No, three times.

•The guy who broke into my car would call and beg to have the curse taken off.

•The boat would clean itself, then, as if by magic, increase in value.

•That guy from FOX would call and ask me what I think of that whole little-people-vs-camel race thing they're showing previews of. I know it's weird but for some reason I'd like to discuss it.

•Mel Gibson calls and says he's sick of people comparing us.

•Jeff Foxworthy calls for creative influence.

You see? It just makes things worse. There's nothing tangible to hope for.

I have to go. It's the phone. Let me guess: My daughter stapled herself to her door or my son got his pants caught in the escalator or Foxworthy reads this stuff or Bo's in town, or, just maybe, it's the little people. I better take this call in the basement.

Tell the dogs to bring my cigars.

8.14.04
Is that a cop eating sushi?

Today, I wore a new pair of boots. I'm not used to boots. I usually wear those shiny shoes, but I wanted a pair of boots because they look cool on other officers. Boots are big and clumsy, so naturally I lumbered into the small sushi restaurant full of sushi-artsy people looking like Frankenstein. You could hear the footsteps from across the room because you cannot tiptoe wearing boots. Once again, what looks cool on others doesn't necessarily look cool on me.

Most police officers try to meet someone for lunch. That way it isn't as irritating when people stare at you. You can talk and ignore. I read because it takes my mind off the staring. I don't mind them staring at me. It's just that I usually pick that one particular time to lose some of the motor functions that enable me to put food consistently and successfully in my mouth. I don't know why, but that happens to me. Chopsticks don't make any easier.

It's hard to be cool with a spicy tuna rice ball in your lap.

Two guys came over to violate my personal space. One of the gentlemen fancied himself as a comedian. In the span of two minutes he managed to tell me of a ticket his brother's neighbor's friend's cousin's boss's son got for doing a 150 miles an hour in a 25 zone. "He was only going 26. He's a good guy and wouldn't lie." Of course, the officer was part of a national conspiracy against that poor boy. He went into the inevitable "quota" question. He grabbed his friend and said "He did it," with his arm around the guy's neck, giving him a noogie. He was the only one laughing. It was awkward. Next he told me there was no way he would have my job. I was thankful for that. He parted with, "See you later -- hopefully not in court."

He used almost all the cop cliches in under three minutes.

The repo was bad enough

The repo man found five small bags of pot in the console of the car he had just repossessed from an apartment resident on Morgan Falls Road. An officer went to the location and gave the man a copy of charges.

Scream machine

Officers received a call of a person screaming at Findley Road and Findley Chase Drive. The officer saw a car that had apparently run off the road and hit a fence. Later, officers received a call from North Fulton Hospital that someone was being treated after having been run over. The officer spoke with the injured man, who told him that he and a passenger had wrecked the car and went to get a Jeep. They returned, and the victim got out of the Jeep and crouched to see where to attach a tow-line. His buddy didn't know this and put the car in drive, promptly running over the injured guy. The victim, naturally, screamed. The driver took the victim to the hospital, where he was treated for a laceration on his leg and several scrapes. The victim said the incident was "an unfortunate mistake."

Sure-fire way to scare 'em off

I received another suggestion in the area of burglary prevention. One person e-mailed me to say that empty shotgun shells on the back porch have worked so far.

8.9.04
I can tell when motorists aren't from around here

I get e-mail from all over the country now. I really enjoy the comments people make. I've come to realize that most people have a stereotypical image of the South and its people. All those TV shows and movies paste the Southern accent on a bit thick.

But we do have some time-honored laws that we try to impress on new arrivals.

In my new book, "We Don't Really Want You Here But Since You Are, Try To Follow Our Tradition and Then Move Away as Soon as You Can," I discuss some of the little-known laws that most transplants to Georgia know nothing about.

-- You're required to slow your vehicle when approaching intersections with boiled peanut stands on the side of the road.

-- In some counties you're required to have the number "3" in a visible place on your back window.

-- Wave to other motorists from your car. Drive with your right hand and either use the top of the steering wheel or a more aggressive out-the-window wave. On the steering wheel, use one or two fingers in the up position. It's OK to use the one finger, but be careful. The middle-finger wave is patented in New York.

-- Another acceptable greeting is the head nod. Nod up, not down. Down is submissive. If you smile at every car you pass, your facial muscles will tighten up and you'll look silly when you get home.

-- More obscure laws, such as "Guys named 'Skeet' Have The Right of Way," are on the books but not frequently enforced.

I'm just here to help.

HOPE money for suspenders

School is back and, for some, not a minute too soon. Please be careful and patient when the buses are loading and unloading.

A message to the young teenage boys: Pull your %$* pants up! I want the school system to use some of that HOPE money to buy suspenders.

Owner taken to the cleaners (figuratively speaking)

A man came in to the Medlock Bridge Road dry cleaners and picked up his laundry. He complained to the owner that he had left 30 items. The records show 29 items. The customer left with the 29 items, refusing to pay the $80 bill. The owner said she called the man and he told her he would not pay. What you don't see in these cases is the phone call from me asking the guy, "What time should I come by to lock you up?" Bills are paid real fast after such a call.

HINT: If you have a dispute with a business, there are ways of filing a complaint. But you need to pay for the services rendered or leave the items.

When Irish eyes aren't smiling

This guy and his wife have been separated, but were seeing each other. She has been living with another guy nearby. The woman told her still-husband she had to phone the guy she's living with. Later, after she left, her still-husband got a call from a guy who told him he had better "leave that woman alone or I'll call on my IRA contacts in Ireland. The call was made from the River Trace Drive apartment of the guy with whom the woman lives. These three are screwed-up people, I fear.

Wrong kind of curb appeal

For those of you who live in residential and condo/apartment communities that are showing signs of aging, look at getting something going to plan and execute a cleanup project. In what is known as the "broken window" theory, criminals tend to put neighborhoods that begin to show signs of deterioration on the "A" list of neighborhoods to work. The thinking is the residents don't care and are apathetic about security. Landscaping and cosmetic cleanup goes a long way towards curb appeal. If you've moved into a new neighborhood, and the Welcome Wagon gifts include crime scene tape, you might have made a bad choice.

Klutzy cousins

A motorist and his cousin were smoking a joint along Mt. Paran Road when they were pulled over by an officer who ran the tag and found that the registration was suspended for no insurance. The officer smelled the marijuana and saw a small plastic bag the driver's idiot cousin had failed to conceal on the passenger's floorboard. The driver, who wasn't supposed to be behind the wheel, couldn't turn the car over to the stupid cousin because he can't even stash the pot without screwing it up.

A female called and said she was missing an $8,000 ring that slipped out of her pocket as she used the toilet in the ladies room at a place on Northridge Road.

She felt the ring slip and roll from her stall to the adjacent stall, which was occupied. Following the occupation, she checked the stall but the ring was gone.

Listen, ladies: There is a time and place for modesty. This was neither.

Porch pickin's

Somebody's stealing rocking chairs in Alpharetta. The good news is, we have a description of the suspect and his vehicle. The bad news is the locations are widening as the last report shows an address on the other side of Ga. 400.

Somewhere, there is a market for these rocking chairs, maybe a flea market or Internet sales source. All of the chairs are good quality chairs that would bring a good price. Those of you with such chairs on the porch take note and keep your eyes open. The thefts are occurring late when the victim is usually asleep.

The suspect is a young white male driving a black Chevrolet Blazer, mid-90s model. If you see a suspicious car matching the description in your residential areas late at night, call 911.

Offer to pay is a little late

A patrol officer was dispatched to a theft-in-progress call at a grocery store on State Bridge Road.

The manager said the suspect ran from the store with two 12-packs of Bud. Another man accompanied the suspect when he ran out.

The suspect returned several minutes later and told the manager he wanted to pay for the beer. The manager said he needed to wait for the police.

The suspect then tried to leave, but the manager and a squad of grocery workers blocked the entrance. The suspect ran through the store, passing several aisles including aisle 5 where you can pick up such items as syrup, peanut butter, jelly, and other goods at competitive prices. He then turned and passed the vegetable section that included tomatoes priced at $2.99 a pound. (I cannot believe how much tomatoes are now.)

The suspect left through an emergency exit at the time the officer arrived. The suspect was run down and caught by the officer. The other subject was not caught, but he dropped the beer.

The suspect was charged with shoplifting, possession by a minor, obstruction by fleeing (Hint: When the officer says stop, stop.) and taken to FC jail.

Spate of burglaries north of Chastain Park

There have been at least three burglaries of homes in the area of Dudley Lane and Stella Drive, just north of Chastain Park.

For those of you in that area, pay particular attention to suspicious cars during the day as well as suspicious persons walking between houses or coming out from behind houses or anything else that doesn't look right.

Please call in anything out of the ordinary to the 911 center so an officer can check it out. Most burglary arrests are as a result of a complainant's call.

School daze

A patrol officer saw a car parked in the rear area of Chattahoochee High School. The officer spoke to the driver and the driver's cousin.

They told the officer they were just hanging out. The officer smelled something that resembled burnt marijuana, so he asked the driver for consent to search.

The driver said, "I'll give you my stash."

The driver gave the officer a half-ounce of marijuana. His cousin gave the officer a Crown Royal bag with a glass pipe and some scales.

The driver was 16 years old, so his parents were called and came to the scene. The driver and his cousin were released pending a hearing date in juvenile court.

Never trust a fleet-footed drug dealer

A long time ago I used to moonlight at some of the area refreshment stands in Sandy Springs.

One particular establishment had a combination of college kids, bikers, and other whatnots who played pool on the tables and volleyball when the weather was good.

Our old friend Pulpwood would rip the college kids off when they came looking to buy some pot.

Pulpwood would take the money, then run up a flight of outdoor stairs leading to a rear parking lot. Pulpwood was a former college football player turned drug addict. He could run faster than anyone I ever knew.

If someone steals your money in a dope deal, consider it a life-experience, learn from it and don't call us.

"This guy took our money and ran up the stairs!"

"Was he really fast?"

"Dude, he flew up the stairs."

"I know him."

"Well, are you going to do something about it?"

"I sure am. I'll go by his apartment and get him then I'll bring him up here so you can identify him."

"Great!"

"Then, I'll ask him how he came into possession of the money. He'll tell me he stole it from you after you tried to buy some marijuana from him. You see, Pulpwood knows that we know he occasionally rips off the to-be-marijuana client from time to time. He doesn't have a problem telling us that."

"We just wanted him to buy us some beer."

"You can buy beer in the club. You're in the parking lot of the club."

"Uh."

"You want to file the report with that I.D. that says you're 27 years old?"

"Uh."

"Son, Pulpwood sells dope, not beer. Go get in your dad's Tahoe and go back to Roswell."

"Okay."

She said the man was in his yard, nude, all day Saturday, and now was nude again. The officers arrived and the woman took them to the backyard, where there he was all nude and stuff.

The officers went to the nude man's house. The man answered the door and was in possession of a pair of gray shorts. He told the officers he was hot and was in the back yard trying to cool down. He said he thought nobody could see him because he had a five-foot privacy fence.

The officers then pointed out the houses are, in fact, two-story homes and everyone can see into his yard. Some people, like the victim, could see him from their back yards. He was charged with public indecency and released on a copy of charges.

Naked guy calls are down for the year. We don't have a stat for that but you need to know that they are down from last year. We don't get too many NG calls in the 'burbs like this one -- not since "swingers" went out. We used to get occasional calls on swinger-parties. Sandy Springs was occasionally a wild place.

It wasn't chunked either

Officers found a stolen car in the parking lot of the Waffle House. The victim's friend spotted and recognized the car. The car was in good condition. Some stolen cars aren't in such good condition when found. Often cars are found smothered and covered in dirt and other debris.

At least there was no kitchen sink

An officer responded to a suspicious car and occupant call. The officer checked the driver of the car whose license was in suspension for drug possession.

The officer called the K-9 unit, which located cocaine and ecstasy and suspected Hydrocodone in 650 and 500 mg sizes. Carisoprodol and Adderall were also found in an Altoids box.

The officer also found marijuana, pipes, and what is believed to be Mescaline. The suspect was charged with half of the Physician's Desk Reference and taken to jail.

Do as I say ...

Someone called the office the other day. He was very polite and introduced himself as Robert. He was inquiring about the qualifications to be a police officer.

"You need to have a good memory" I told him as I looked for my pen that I could have sworn I left on the desk.

"Hold the line just a second, Richard," I said as I looked on the bookshelf for my pen. I quickly gave up and pushed the phone line to continue.

"Sometimes you don't go to court on a case for six months, so not only do you have to have a good memory, you need to be organized."

On the other end a new voice said: "What are you talking about? I'm trying to get a copy of a report."

"Sorry, wrong line."

I pushed the other line.

"Richard?"

"Robert."

"Robert, you need to have a good memory and good organizational skills. You'll use them your whole career. Very important stuff -- hang on Robert. My other line is ringing."

I answered the other line.

"Steve? We found your car keys lying on the top of the gas pump. They'll be in the office."

"Thanks," I said.

Click.

"Robert?"

"Yes sir."

"Let me put it this way, if you can show us that you've got what it takes to be organized and responsible, you're the kind of person we'd like to talk with."

Robert thanked me and hung up. One of the other officers came by and asked to borrow my pen.

"I have no idea where it is!" I exclaimed. "I just had it."

"It's in your ear Steve, I'll give it right back in a few minutes"

"Keep it," I told him. "I gotta go downstairs and see if anyone turned in a set of car keys."

No wonder I'm not on the recruiting poster downtown.

Don't forget those night checks

Folks, you need to clean those cars out at night before going to bed. We're getting an increase in thefts from them.

In the old days, Sgt. Joe Friday and Officer Gannon on the TV show "Dragnet", working out of the bunko squad, would bust some scam artist for conning some little old ladies. On odd days, when they were working narcotics, they would bust some hippies. Even though the hippies were tripping on acid, Friday would lecture them into submission with his end-of-the-show wisdom-filled lecture.

Reed and Malloy from "Adam-12" had the uncanny ability to be right down the street from every bank robbery. They were 156-0 in capturing 211 suspects. Reed did the distance running while Malloy, the older officer, would bring the patrol car around the block and run the short distance to catch his partner, who was now crossing into Arizona right on the heels of the 211 suspect.

After the ESPN highlight film tackle, Malloy calmly got on his radio and told us all that everything was PK. He wasn't the first bit out of breath either.

Let's insert some reality.

This stuff never happened to me.

What happened to me, in the unlikely event that I would see the car, was this:

I saw the car in question and had to decide if I should dump a perfectly good hot cup of coffee. In the unlikely event that I decided to dump the coffee, I chased the suspect, well not chased him -- because our chase policy is don't chase. Instead of chasing cars we now get on the P.A. system and ask them if they'll come back.

In the further unlikely event that we caught up with the car, the foot chase would go like this: The suspect ran from his car. I got out, wearing 20 pounds of equipment, giving pursuit until I was beaten half to death with all of that equipment flying around my waist. My shoulder mike came off and flew around my head like a Water Wiggle, beating me into near unconsciousness. When you put that much equipment weight in motion it stops when it wants to, usually about 50 yards after you want to stop. It's embarrassing to pass the bad guy after the foot-chase ends.

Even when you catch him, in real life there are problems. By the time you get him, he's going to have to cuff himself because you're still on one knee trying to catch your breath. You can't talk on the radio because the communications center can only hear the heavy breathing and you can get in trouble for that. You'll have to catch a cab back to the patrol car and convince the bad guy that you'll go easy on him in court if he'll drive back to the precinct for you.

The new shows are just as bad for us. I got a call from a woman who told me that her yard was toilet-papered. She wanted the crime scene unit to come out and collect the evidence for analysis.

"What evidence do you have ma'am?" I asked.

"The toilet paper."

"Is it in the plastic wrap?"

"No. It's about three inches long and hanging off one of the bushes."

"Throw it away."

"What?"

"Yeah, just throw it away."

"I want this analyzed so we can prosecute whoever did it."

"You have any idea who?"

"No, we were out of town for a couple of weeks."

"Ma'am, do you watch 'C.S.I'?"

"Yes, and I think you can put one of those green laser things on it and find fingerprints."

"We don't have a green laser thing."

"I thought all you guys had those things."

"I would love to have the green laser thing, but right now things are tight."

"How tight?"

"Let's put it this way ma'am: this year I got the gun, next year I get the bullets."

She said perhaps we should watch "C.S.I." more often and take some of those ideas into real life.

I told her I would do that if she would compromise and watch "Reno 911", Comedy Central's irreverent look at a police department.

Reality is somewhere in the middle.

7.24.04
Crime prevention: Listen to your and your dog's instincts

Before this week's incident reports, let's talk about you.

The hardest part of crime prevention is that most of the time you don't know when you've prevented a crime.

You have to rely on being consistent. Some examples:

-- Home: Use the alarm more, lock the doors, close the garage door, notice things going on outside, such as cars driving by more than once. People that don't appear to fit in. I try to spend as much time riding neighborhoods as I can. Almost every time I see a front door slightly or completely open at someone's house. I get out and check it. Either someone isn't home and accidentally left it open on the way out or they're inside and left it open. It's a small thing, but it creates an opportunity. Open garage doors are an invitation to inventory everything you have, including the (mandatory in Alpharetta) $5,000 set of golf clubs.

-- Listen to Fido: Dogs bark at all sorts of things, but at least give a look at what they're barking at. If you see something you think is suspicious, don't second-guess yourself out of calling police.

-- In public: Purse thefts are up, especially at retail grocery stores. Plan of prevention: If they don't see the purse they won't steal it. Use your front pants pockets for debit / credit cards / coupons and cash. Don't use coat pockets or back pockets on pants. You can do without your purse for an hour.

-- Assaults: Parking lots at night and areas not immediately visible to surrounding buildings and stores are prime locations. Always consider how vulnerable you are when you leave a public place to get to a car or to ride a bike, walk, etc. Carry your cell phone and pepper spray. The best prevention, however, is thinking ahead of time and acting on anything that isn't right. If someone is following you through a store and out to the parking lot, change your direction or turn around and go back inside. See what they do. Wait until it's clear or there are others in the parking area. Get your keys out, get in and go.

-- Thefts: Leaving windows and doors unlocked, not using alarms or leaving good stuff in cars overnight -- all invitations for bady guys. We still average about 8-10 thefts from cars each night.

Awhile back, I wrote that a good burglary prevention idea was to park a pair of size 13 muddy work boots at your doorstep. That idea was sent by someone who used her son's boots.

It's simple, but if you're the would-be burglar, it might make you stop and think. That may be all it takes. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

What a drip

A man walked into a coffee place on Dunwoody Club Drive, ordered a coffee, then stole the tip jar containing $40 cash and fled.

Bad choice means you grow up in a hurry

The Summerlin Drive complainant called police after he saw a suspicious person in his driveway just after 3 a.m. The suspect got into a white Jeep Grand Cherokee and left. The responding officer put a lookout on the radio and another officer said he saw a car matching that description exiting the Forest of North Fulton subdivision, about two miles from the original call. The patrol car stopped the vehicle, which contained a juvenile female driver and two passengers, one 17 and the other a juvenile. The officer spoke with the occupants and found that they had been out looking for cars to break into. One passenger referred to it as "car hopping," a term describing going from driveway to driveway looking for unlocked cars. The two juveniles were released to parents and the 17-year old transported to the Fulton County Jail. (The age of emancipation in Georgia is 17, when you can be treated as an adult under criminal law. That means jail, not parents.)

From bad to worse

Officers made a Roswell Road traffic stop on a car with a tail light out. The driver had a suspended license for failure to appear and appeared very nervous. The officers asked the man if he had any contraband in his car, to which the motorist replied, "I got a little weed in my ashtray." Officers called on the services of Dusty, the K-9 in that area. Dusty alerted on the center console of the car. Officer seized two bags of cocaine, one 25 grams and the other 13.5 grams. Officers then found a bag containing 3.4 grams then another weighing 7 grams. (42.2 total) A semi-automatic pistol was found and some marijuana. The driver was arrested and taken to FC jail.

Drama plays out on silver screen

A Mount Vernon Highway movie house reported $17,000 stolen from a safe. The only persons reported to be able to open the safe are a security company guy and a theather employee, using two different combinations. There were no witnesses. The only persons on site were janitorial employees. The guy making the money on this deal will be the polygraph operator.

7.14.04
After someone messed with my patrol car, just watch my mantra

In a perfect world, people would just leave your stuff alone.

Plenty of people have discovered a smashed car window and their stuff missing. You see, in a perfect world, this doesn't happen.

The perfect world doesn't exist at the corner of Peachtree Street and Martin Luther King, Jr. Drive, where someone smashed the back window of my patrol car this week.

You know that sick feeling you get when you see the glass on the pavement? Man I hate that feeling. I came around the corner of the Atlanta building where our HQ is located and there it was. Back window, driver's side. Me, in uniform with my mouth hanging open.

It's a good thing I put my day planner in the trunk. I opened the trunk and discovered I forgot to put my day planner in the trunk. Gone was my day planner, checkbook and some gas cards. I always put my stuff in the trunk when I'm out of the car -- but Murphy's Law prevails again.

I canceled the gas cards, and I went to the bank, only to discover the statewide system for the bank was down. I wonder what I look like on that fake I.D? I was devastated. I didn't lose my composure (much), but a witness said it looked like I was running in place with dinosaur arms saying, "no, no, no, no, no."

After filing incident and damage-to-vehicle reports, I decided to get some real help.

I called my friend the weird guy who says he's a Gypsy. He put a curse on me back in the late '80s. I arrested him for something or the other and when I went to get him from the holding cell to take him to the Fulton County Jail, he was doing back flips and handstands and chanting all this weird stuff and he was naked.

It's really no surprise to see naked people in holding cells. They're drunk and mad or really happy or whatever, but in this case I was having a curse put on me. He chanted all this weird stuff and when we got to the jail he told me the curse was complete. I blew it off and went back to work.

There's no way to be delicate about this. The next day I called in sick with explosive diarrhea.

I was a believer.

So, let's just say after my patrol car was bushwhacked this week I did a bit of dancing "ah-nat-cher-al" (except for the Viking helmet and rubber chickens) on my back deck, chanting some really-heavy stuff. Candles and incense completed the mood.

My neighbor reported me to the homeowners association. I'm willing to risk being banned from the pool for a month, because whoever stole my stuff is going to have to stick close to the bathroom if I have anything to do with it.

7.07.04
Awkward moment, er, during robbery

The victim said that while he was in the parking lot of his a Santa Fe Parkway apartments, he was approached by a male wearing a ski mask. The man pulled a black handgun and mumbled something. The victim said he didn't understand what he said, but did understand the last word, an obscenity.

There began an awkward moment where the bad guy, expecting the victim to hand over the money, stood there looking all confused, while the victim, not knowing what the suspect said, just stood there.

It's uncomfortable. You can exchange only so much small talk. My new book, entitled "Maximizing Effective Communication With Your Victim," goes into this problem in detail.

Drum roll ... This week's dumb crook of the week

A man walked into the Hammond Drive grocery store. He got a bottle of Livingston Chardonnay and walked to the service desk, asking for a couple packs of cigarettes. He told the clerk he had a gun in his pocket and demanded money. He left the store with $105 cash. The assistant manager chased the man around the corner, confroned the suspect and then fought with him. The bad guy dropped his cell phone and wallet. The assistant manager grabbed the items and returned to the store. The suspect said he was going to shoot her, but then ran.

Officers got another call a short time later at a motel on Peachtree Dunwoody Road. The description matched the same suspect. The officer learned the suspect took a taxi from that location to a restaurant near Perimeter Mall. The officer found the suspect in the bathroom. He was arrested and taken to jail. All of the evidence was placed into the property room. The store recorded the robbery on video.

The suspect has to be the dumb crook of the week. He went to a grocery store where he was recorded on video committing the robbery. He was chased down and got into a fight with the assistant manager. He lost his wallet and cell phone in the scuffle. He went to a hotel where he has stayed before and robbed the clerk. He then hails a taxi to a restaurant and tries to hide in a bathroom.

Leaving yourself open to trouble from thieves

This is the peak time for thefts from your garage and porch areas. Lots of garage doors are left open during the day, and I'm not the only one who can see what's inside. Pay special attention to keeping your good stuff out of view in your parked car. Park, mall and shopping center parking lots are heavily hit during the dog days.

Don't forget to call

Don't let solicitors randomly roam your subdivisions during the day and evening times. Remember that they must be permitted with Fulton County, and even then they must leave when asked. "No Solicitation" signs are good, but most solicitors ignore them. It's not an insignificant call to the police. Thefts are up. In addition, call us about suspicious cars moving about . Or when juveniles are after 11: p.m. Sunday-Thursday and past midnight on Friday-Saturday.

Scary relatives make the drive home happier

I hope that everyone is well and enjoyed the July 4 holiday in a safe and relatively responsible manner. We were in Columbus and Cincinnati, Ohio, for a family wedding and a Reds' ballgame. Lots of golf and scary-looking relatives. Detective Sandy and I have been married for seven years and although I came along a little later in her life, I thought I had met most of her relatives.

Apparently not.

I found myself at the edge of the gene pool with no life preserver.

I met a guy that looked like he finished fourth in a Willie Nelson look-alike contest. I learned it was my wife's aunt. I took nothing for granted from that moment on.

The wedding was very nice. We moved to the reception at a very nice country club.

The crowd enjoyed the food and beverage. Soon they began to let their hair down. I ended up at a table of comedians from Ohio. We smoked cigars and listened to bad jokes. I was so tired of courtesy laughing that I considered dancing with that drunk guy with the earring doing the robot dance on the floor.

"That's my other aunt." My wife said.

I continued laughing with the Ohio comedians.

It's good to be home.

7.01.04
Store missed egg-cellent chance to call police

Vandalism continues to rise a bit in the northern residential areas. A residence on Devonhall Drive sustained damage to a window from eggs thrown from a dark SUV. A neighbor was egged, too. The eggs were apparently purchased at a grocery at McGinnis Ferry and Medlock Bridge roads. Several teens came in and bought eggs and toilet paper. Three 24-packs of toilet paper and 18 packs of eggs were apparently purchased. I don't know why this doesn't prompt a call from a grocery store employee.

Eggs, Part 2

The Auden Trail complainant said his ex-girlfriend showed up and egged his house. He went outside and their argument became physical. Both parties claimed to have suffered scratches. They were arrested for battery and the ex-girlfriend also was cited for criminal trespass.

Crimes against grits?

The manager of a Roswell Road waffle place said a male walked out without paying for his food. Police, who were given the car tag number, will check in with the customer, ask him why he didn't pay the $7 tab and then charge him with misdemeanor theft. If the officer determines he puts sugar on his grits the charge will be upgraded to a felony.

A tempting find for teen

The victim said he was in the workout room of a clubhouse on Autry Fall Drive. He left the room for 10 minutes and when he returned his money clip was missing. He said three teens were in the room when he left. The homeowners association president told the officer he had video of the theft. The tennis guy said he let the kids in the clubhouse area to retrieve their pass key because he recognized one of the kids. Long story short, the juvenile was charged on a copy pending a hearing. The money clip contained $200. It might be a good idea to leave it somewhere else when you work out.

6.26.04
Friends, Romans, and peacemaker ... lend me your ear

Two Brentwood Way females got into a fight after one showed the other a letter from the apartment office stating that they were in violation of the lease by having a roommate (not on the lease). The two started yelling at one another. One of the girls took a plastic broom handle and hit the other on the head. A friend and his wife were at the apartment. The man tried to restrain the girl with the broom handle, but she started fighting him, biting him on the ear. Everyone split. One of the girls returned and gave the information to the officers. This was better than Holyfield-Tyson on pay-per-view.

Don't be talking about my friend

Police went to Thornhill Lane and found a man bleeding from the head. He'd been struck with a coffee cup by a guy who was described as a good friend. The suspect said the victim had been drinking and called the suspect's female friend a bad word. The suspect was released on a copy of charges; the victim went to the hospital to get stitched up.

You're out of order

Officers were called to a fight at a house on Ga. 9, rented by a group of males. There have been complaints of fighting, gaming, drug use and a general disorderly situation. The owners of the house showed up and demanded the police kick the tenants out. The owners of the house were charged with Disorderly House because it appears from the report they knew the conditions at the house were unfit.

Gyms and wallets just don't go together

The Hammond Drive victim said he was working out at the gym in his apartment complex. A female sat down next to him for a while, then left. The victim discovered his wallet was gone. His credit card was used a short time later on amazon.com for the amount of $11,500. The security officer told the victim that he has the incident on videotape and identified the woman. I wish the officer had listed what was purchased for $11,500.

Suspicious person

A resident in the Fairmont Subdivision reported on June 22 that a suspicious man drove up to his residence in an older model green sedan, possibly a Mercury Sable or Ford Taurus. The homeowner said the car had stripes on the side. The man was described as a white male with curly blond hair.

The motorist asked the resident's juvenile daughter if the dog he had in his car belonged to her. A neighbor saw the man talking to the girl and walked over to the car. The man in the car drove to the end of the cul-de-sac, turned around and left the area without stopping. The report said it appears the juvenile had been playing with the lost dog earlier in the day.

The father who call referred to a local newspaper article that described a man matching this description attempting to speak to a young female at another location.